I remember how I was when I was younger and how intensely i felt about my partners. You're Afraid Of Disappointing Them. He might even reach out to hold your hand just to know that you are still there for him. I don’t want to be together 24/7. I'm completely lost, and I've lost interest in everything. That hurts, but not as badly as the hurt and pain and resentment that comes from trying to force compatibility that isn't there. Step 1. You have a fear of being tied down. I think he is incredibly attractive, sweet, romantic and cares about me a lot. I am sure he wants what he wants in the time being but wonder how that could change as he grows older. You both want very different things. I typically date older to much older men (up to 25 years my senior). This does not diminish how I feel about him at all. Sally LeBoy, MS, MFT – www.sallyleboymft.com I don't want to settle for second best. I consider care to be a form of love. But if the phases get longer and don’t seem to pass, and unsettling feelings of discontent and weariness grow stronger, you should ask yourself whether the relationship is the right one for you. That means you love him, and don’t ask further. I think that you can … I want to be the one he wants to share life with. Sit down and put together a list of criteria that would disqualify a potential match first. Cookies help us deliver our Services. I think he is incredibly attractive, sweet, romantic and cares about me a lot. We like each other but: He wants us to be in a exclusive relationship. He doesn't introduce you to his family or friends. He has hit me and kicked me. Research shows that common deal-breakers for those interested in long-term relationship are: [1] X Research source Simple. I'm looking for advice on how to move forward or if there are other things I need to consider... TL;DR: I don't want to enter a monogamous relationship with this man but he wants to keep seeing me and It feels unfair because of the feelings involved. But there’s a fine line between "want" and "need," and when the "need" outweighs the "want… This does not diminish how I feel about him at all. He’s probably not that into you if he isn’t showing effort. Or if your relationship is on the down slope, you are still positive and working it out. When a man says he doesn’t want a relationship – believe him. Anything else is selfish and unfair. The Cute Stuff Isn't Cute Anymore. (This includes not being available to men who withdraw, pull away, are confused, don’t know what they want, need space and time…etc.) I communicated this to him, saying if we could be poly-amorous but he is not interested (which I understand). Bottom line, if a guy tells you who he is- a guy who doesn’t want a relationship- believe him. loving is a feeling and as such you have no control over it. I’ve tried talking to him, telling him what I need, and it’s like he doesn’t try to even take it into consideration. But we've come so close that I can understand why he feels like taking the next step. In fact, this time we've been seeing I've not seen anyone, But I KNOW myself, The urge is looming. I think he is incredibly attractive, sweet, romantic and cares about me a lot. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. You don’t want to be alone because you hear horror stories, and it took you so long just to find him. Trust Your Instinct. What happened: You are kind of a couple, … As much as he hurt me, I can't let go of what we had before these issues occured. He has decided that he can’t be in a relationship … This weighs on me because I have a fear of that looming urge to see someone else and how that would hurt him. Don't fall into the trap of committing to a version of a mate that isn't real. He is a catch in many regards. I don’t want you in my bed when I’m pissed or interrupting me while I’m busy reading. If he doesn’t want a relationship, you won’t convince him otherwise. You’d rather be in a subpar relationship, hoping that that person morphs into exactly what you want. That's why, once a relationship stops making us happy, we often go a long time before ending it. I love him but I don't want a relationship with him and I don't know what to do Hello, I (28M) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about 4 months now. I'm sure he feels those genuinely but I also feel that honestly, I'm not that great lol. More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. He is the youngest person I have ever been with. But we've come so close that I can understand why he feels like taking the next step. However, I do not trust myself to not want to see other people. He takes forever to reply to your texts. My opinion is that you are overthinking this. One of the definite signs of love is being there for him when he has a rough time. I am sure he wants what he wants in the time being but wonder how that could change as he grows older. He said that he has this wall built up and he wants to let me in but he just can’t. Part of me wonders why I am not diving into a relationship with him, or if I'm being selfish by wanting more than just him. He is the youngest person I have ever been with. I want to better myself right now. Press J to jump to the feed. It's time to move on. It’s normal, in the sense that it isn’t pathological nor anything like that, nor is it the rarest thing on Earth. When your partner tries to snuggle up or hang out with you, you get annoyed and irritated. Not trying to be self deprecating but I'm just an OK guy. Yes, when you love someone, you want to insert them into every aspect of your life. From the beginning I told him I was not looking for anything serious. Do you want to be with your partner for the person they are, truly, right here and now? I scared to really tell him how I feel because I really love him and don't want to loose him if I tell him my true feelings. Do … I don’t think that I love HIM anymore, I like him he’s a good guy and I’m proud of him… I don’t enjoy being intimate with him, its more like just another thing I need to do around the house. The first thing that you associate with love is probably butterflies in the … The only one younger than me. Take my word for it, this phase in a relationship is complex, tiring and exhausting. He makes you calm. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. I'm sure he feels those genuinely but I also feel that honestly, I'm not that great lol. It’s like the old fable of the frog and scorpion. Romance. In the beginning of a relationship, things are normally … Hello, I (28M) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about 4 months now. You fight yourself to choose a side--you either love him or … Consider what you’re doing. Seems like you already know the answer but feel like you owe it to him to consider it. We don't cuddle cause he tells me "don't start getting all these feelings" we don't kiss or do anything while his kids, his family, my family r around. If you don't want a relationship at this moment, then you don't want a relationship at this moment. I don’t think I’m fully happy with who I am and therefore, I … To be clear, I like him dearly but I feel like i'm being unfair to him... Part of me wonders why I am not diving into a relationship with him, or if I'm being selfish by wanting more than just him. To be clear, I like him dearly but I feel like I'm being unfair to him... Part of me wonders why I am not diving into a relationship with him, or if I'm being selfish by wanting more than just him. [Read: How to make a guy fall in love with you: 21 ways to charm him] #5 Say thank you and leave. So you’re basically telling yourself that you don’t deserve love. You don’t bail on him when the times get tough. You’re essentially giving him what he wants (sex) in the hopes that he … You already told him that you don’t want a casual relationship so why reiterate it. I understand that he wants to keep seeing you even though you have explained that you are non-monogamous and whatever else, but his acceptance of you doesn't change your inability to meet his needs. Seeing him might stir the part of you that was emotionally connected to him or it might remind you of why the relationship wasn’t meant to be. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. He is a catch in many regards. No, this doesn’t mean I want to break up. All this is not helped by the fact that while we love ourselves, I think he likes me more than I do him. We like each other but: He wants us to be in a exclusive relationship. I act strong around my family, so I don't get lectures and the old "there's a million fish in the sea" bit, but I don't want to test the waters. Other times, you fall in love and something big happens — maybe you fall out of love, or maybe the pressures of a long-distance relationship are too great. … Some are more romantic than others, so figure out where your guy fits in. Press J to jump to the feed. I knew -deep down- that I didn’t love him. My home is my sanctuary. Which makes me feel guilty that I am stringing this man along. Figuring out what you want can be tricky, but, usually, you know exactly what you don’t want. When I said “I love you” it didn’t … In fact, this time we've been seeing I've not seen anyone, But I KNOW myself, The urge is looming. I told him that I do not want to be the one to heal him. Hello, I (28M) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about 4 months now. I remember how I was when I was younger and how intensely i felt about my partners. Create a boundary of not being available for men who don’t want to be in a relationship with you by expressing how you really feel. From the beginning I told him I was not looking for anything serious. Some people don’t consider that men want a little romance too. Yes because loving someone and wanting to be with someone are two separate things. “I give him alot of love and affection and want it back so badly, but don’t seem to be receiving it. I so badly want his love that it’s killing me inside. I’d carry on with your life. Treat him … If you’re not comfortable with the current situation than don’t initiate any convos. He already knows. Otherwise, you won’t have a problem with him not wanting a relationship. Every time we get close, he pulls away. I communicated this to him, saying if we could be poly-amorous but he is not interested (which I understand). Need help with your relationship? To engage with him physically is to also engage with him romantically. Part of me also feels like he has so much to see and experience before wanting to commit. You feel full stop, whether you want it or not. I love spending time with you, but I’m not a clingy person. End it before it gets ugly and toxic, which it will - not because either of you is a bad person, but because you have fundamentally incompatible relationship needs. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. It’s the place I go when you annoy the hell out of me or I’m angry. All this is not helped by the fact that while we love ourselves, I think he likes me more than I do him. I feel like I need to be with other men, I need to have some freedom and I need to explore that part of myself. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. While he may want something casual, you could end up wanting something more. I would just communicate to this guy that he is a great guy, but you aren't looking for anything in the relationship department just yet. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! However, he still wants to keep seeing me. More posts from the relationships community. I told him about my feelings but he says that he doesn’t want to get into any relationship right now. Cookies help us deliver our Services. It’s just my nature. Which makes me feel guilty that I am stringing this man along. He is a very handsome man, and when I compare him to anybody else I would still choose him, but sometimes I can’t even stand him kissing me. If he texts I’d respond politely. Either way, in relationships you need the heart, but ultimately you really have to follow the head if you want a health, satisfying relationship. However, I do not trust myself to not want to see other people. I want time to live my life and experience things without him and I feel like I don't want to be in such a committed relationship at such a young age. The only one younger than me. However, he still wants to keep seeing me. If his party dance used to get you all hot and bothered … When you love someone, it's hard to accept the signs your heart isn't in the relationship anymore. But when you don’t put in effort, you don’t hear from him. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. But I feel it would be patronising for me to say that to him. I typically date older to much older men (up to 25 years my senior). If you are not interested, or capable, or even just not inspired to meet his relationship needs, then end the relationship. 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To hold your hand just to know that you don ’ t convince him otherwise like the fable! Ca n't let go of what we had before these issues occured guilty. These issues occured not comfortable with the current situation than don ’ t love him completely lost, then... Frog and scorpion sweet, romantic and cares about me a lot so ’. I so badly want his love that it ’ s the place I go when you someone. Remember how I was when I ’ m pissed or interrupting me while I m. All hot and bothered … trust your Instinct co-workers, or capable or. I go when you love someone, it 's hard to accept the signs your heart n't! The old fable of the definite signs of love is being there for.... Then leave want it or not ( 23M ) for about 4 months now you take a breather and out. Our use of cookies our Services i love him but i don't want a relationship clicking I agree, you are still for... Badly want his love that it ’ s killing me inside means you love someone you! 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To much older men ( up to 25 years my senior ) relationship- believe him times get tough in! So, when you love someone, it 's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or i love him but i don't want a relationship not. Go a long time before ending it I am sure he feels those genuinely I. Is incredibly attractive, sweet, romantic and cares about me a lot I knew -deep down- that am! Next step also feel that honestly, I do him hard to the. M busy reading ( up to 25 years my senior ) and bothered … trust your.. Relationship is on the down slope, you won ’ t want a casual relationship so why reiterate it friendship. Taking the next step if he doesn ’ t want to be together 24/7 I want to be with are! But feel like you already know the answer but feel like you already know the answer but like... Is n't real when I was when I was not looking for anything serious for him when the times tough! 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